18- Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder.

Yoga is a lot of things.  Yoga is not the answer to it all.

Yoga is not a religion. Yoga is not a bunch of Hari Krishnas (sp) communing in a love in while eating tofu. Yoga is not a threat to your way of life ( if you think so, you may consider your way of life). Yoga is not glamorous. Yoga is not just for women. Yoga is not just for men. Yoga does not require you to sacrifice coffee, beer, wine, cigarettes, tea, or beef… although you may find you have more balance if you forego some. Yoga is not easy. Yoga is not impossible.

Yoga is a commitment and if you truly are committed, you will miss it when you are apart. Like a loved one your time together and the gifts you share make life grand. Smiles, laughs, pleasure and compliments abound in the good times.

It is in the difficult times that the relationship is tested. When you transition through a difficult moment, find thanks in the knowledge that together, you have prevailed and at the end of the day, the laughter returns.

In the last week I have gone to exactly one yoga class.  I miss my time on the mat and think of it fondly, even the tribulations conquered on my 2 x 5 rubber foundation.

I believe I will reunite, tonight.

Namaste-

17 - Yogandhi

Each time I am at yoga, I learn something new.  More often than not, it’s about my body.

“Oh Look”, I say to myself, “My ankles really are kind of week.  Look at them quiver and collapse as I try to stand on the ball of one foot while contorted like a package of sillybands.” “I am starting to get really strong in my shoulders from all this downward dog.” “My hamstrings are finally loosening up, I am stoked!”

(Caution: Shallow, verging on judgmental and immature musings ahead.)

Then there was today’s revelation. A young lady behind me was watching me go up into a headstand. Covered in sweat, my shirt flopped downward over my face and practically suffocated me.  My graceful headstand was over after the homicidal attempt of the sweat-mop. As I turned around, she smiled at me with a small smirk. Back to the mat I went.

After class she approached me and said, "that’s all right, in a few weeks of class your belly will be gone and you won’t sweat so much."

.

.

.

.

.

.

Really, did she just say that?

I was shocked, embarrassed, mortified and then I laughed.  

I have a belly.  Yes, a bit… but really, only a little bit. I thought it was so damn funny that her perception was how my belly or my sweatyness was of concern to me.  Sure, I suppose it was a bit. Clearly not as much as the lack of oxygen from the stank-sponge and the possibility that in my blinded crumpling from headstand to the mat that I might accidentally kick/hurt/topple someone.

 

She was quite concerned about my belly and my sweat.  I’ll work on that for ya sistah!

(End of Caution Zone)

Just before bellydonna (slipped that one in!) shared her depth with me, I received a pointer from Gerry Lopez.  For those who don’t know who Gerry  is, let me give you the Cliffs Notes.  He is an Internationally known surfer, an entrepreneur, a really cool cat and a man who has been doing yoga since 1969.  He is the ultimate testament of what yoga can do for you to keep you strong, flexible and vibrant in every phase of your life.  He is my yogandhi.

He asked if he could give me some pointers on my upward facing dog.  Of course, like an excited puppy, I said sure. He corrected a few of my alignments that would make the asana better, deeper… easier.

The pose begins prostrate, flat on your belly. Then, with your hands under your shoulders, push your torso upwards so just the tops of your feet are on the mat and your hands are directly aligned under your shoulders.

Gerry said I was looking to the sky rather than having a soft gaze straight ahead and my shoulders were pitched ahead of my hands.  This misalignment would create more stress and less stretch.

Who was I to argue? This is my yogahero and I was thrilled to take his gift to heart. When your heroes talk, just listen, consider and obey.

Gerry didn't say a word about my belly or my sweat. He appeared glad to be there, and glad to offer an observation.  Thats what its all about.

Namaste-

16- Are you experienced?

 

According to statistics, I am an anomaly. I don't relish the thought of having all the the trimmings required to be a model citizen and yet, some I have. I think its a philosophical diversion. 

We are told minute by minute by all forms of media what things we are too acquire. Which soda to consume, which 'snack-food' will double as an athletic energy supplement, which water will enhance our performance, which clothes will get us the spouse of our dreams and which car will send the message that we care about the environment while driving our flex-fuel SUV.

I think the poet Mick Jagger said it well while he was seeking his form of enlightenment, his form of Satisfaction: When I'm drivin' in my car -  And the man comes on the radio - He's tellin' me more and more - About some useless information - Supposed to drive my imagination.......When I'm watchin' my TV - And that man comes on to tell me - How white my shirts can be -But he can't be a man 'cause he doesn't smoke The same cigarettes as me.

Its all around us.  We are supposed to be the sum total of our acquisitions. 

If my house were to burn to the ground, and I had one thing to save, it would be my hard drive(s).  They contain thousands of photographs of all the adventures and people that make up my life. These are the people I love and the places I have shared with them.  The meals, the laughs, the moments that make up life are here. These acquisitions of experience are what make up life. The clothes, cars, furniture, and gadgets are not. These items make my life easier but they are not my experiences. They have no emotional value.

In yoga, when on the mat, the experience you are having is what molds your moment. You can be traumatized by the intensity of the asana (pose) or you can be thankful for the gift the asana gives. At the end of the practice, you will be left with what your perception, your experience is.

I choose to appreciate the time, hard or easy, I am thankful for what I have gained. There are days that are quite difficult and days that flow, but at the end of the practice, as I lay in savasana, I always find grace and express gratitude for the experience.  

In spite of any difficulty I can always find the gift of the experience. Sometimes it is hard to admit or concede that the experience contains a gift but when I lay in bed at night, just before sleep, I find what has been offered. I accept it and am thankful. 

I am the sum of my experiences.

Namaste-  

15- Kids, woman, yoga, work, dishes, insomnia, friends, parents, yard-work, house repairs.

Its been too long. Its been about a week, no, six days since I have blogged.  I have learned a lot about myself, about yoga and about priorities.

In no particular order, kids, woman, yoga, work, dishes, insomnia, friends, parents, yard-work and house repairs take my waking moments. I find it funny that yoga classes are a joy to attend and yet writing the blog stumps me.  I've been to three classes since my last writing and have reasons that I have not written, all of which are in the title.

But, I have practiced. I have grown and I have loved my experience.  I have gained in my flexibility and strength. I have gained focus.

Both my parents are English majors and have been in education their entire careers. They have both taught English, writing, reading, grammar and whatever other disciplines in the language are offered at any level.

Yes, school was important when I was younger. I was never a straight "A" student by a long shot, but I always succeeded in writing, reading, grammar etcetera (never spelling though). One would think I would have no trouble writing my yoga blog with my background.

Nope, it actually is difficult for me.  I find that where once I succeeded, I now have a self conscious streak. I'ts quite odd.  I can stand dripping with sweat with am entire room full of 20somethings who are bendi-flexi-fit-and-friendli and not really think much of what they must think of me. Yoga is just that kind of a place.  In the settings I have been fortunate enough to practice, all the people in the room are just glad to be there with you.

When I write about yoga, I am not concerned that you may know I was having a rough time. I am not concerned that you know I am sweaty and stinky. That I look like Gene Wilder on a bad hair day.

I am concerned that I have your attention and that I have a compelling story that may encourage you to well being. My nakedness is before you in the text and it is not the content, but the delivery that makes me blush.

I have learned that yoga, at least on the mat, is a very safe place free of judgement.  As I look at others in graceful poses I no longer think, 'I'll never do that.' I simply see the pose and think of the commitment to the practice that person has. To connect to the commitment that has brought them to that pose.

And when I see someone new to class, maybe struggling,  I have a similar set of thoughts.  I simply see them and think of the circumstances that have brought them to this place and their steps to commitment. I connect to the commitment that has brought them to the mat.

So what stops me from flowing in my writing?  Perhaps nothing. Its possible that I have a vinyasa flow but am just too busy in my monkey mind to allow my blogging to just be. To give the same grace that yoga gives me on the mat is one gift I would like.

Tonight in yoga at Namaspa the instructor, Susie brought another nugget of wisdom to the room. As we were flipping over from a plank pose (the starting position of a push up) to a flipped, three legged dog, (think hips off the ground towards the sky, both feet on the ground, one hand reaching up and one down to support the upper body) she said.." its crowded in here tonight so feel free, as you 'flip your dog' to place your foot on your neighbors mat. Just don't step on their foot."

The gift of yoga is starting to spill off the mat. I promise, I'll be mindful as to not step on anyones toes.

Namaste-

14- Have, Do, Be / Be, Do, Have.

I know people,  I know all kinds of people. Some are 'have's' some are 'have not's' but very few are 'be's'.

Again, I digress and delve into metaphor.

Haves: Some people go to REI, to buy the best gear. They have absolutely the most current and up to date technology in very cool colors. Their closets are full of ropes, backpacks, coats, pants, lights, stoves, tents, sleeping bags, ice-axes and all other sorts of gear that I don't know the name of.

Their gear is impressive and well cared for.  They are certain to keep it clean and ready for action. They are pre-packed and ready to roll for any adventure. They have the gear cataloged just in case they lend it out.. so they can be sure to get it back in in the 'ready-bag'.

The level of their gear is that of a professional mountain climber or adventurer.  Top notch. The bees knees. The cats meow. The belle of the ball.

However, the gear really never leaves the closet.  It is a symbol, a point of identification for them.  If they have the right gear, then the can at any moment go climb a mountain. They, therefore, are a mountain climber.

I disagree.

Have Nots: Then there are the Sherpas of Nepal. They live in the Himalaya's. They walk, hike, climb all day long. They carry others bags on their shoulder to the top of the mountain. They live on chai and yak fat wrapped in bandannas stuffed in their pocket.

The do not have a North Face puffy coat. They do not have a -40 degree sleeping bag. They do not have Maui Jim polarized sun glasses. They do not have a butane stove that can burn in a  hurricane. They do not have micro-uber-polar-feather weight-fleece. They do not have Merril hard-shell crampon friendly carbon fiber boots.

Yet, they climb.

So, ask yourself. Are you waiting for a new yoga mat? Are you waiting for more time? Are you waiting for the last episode in the TV series? Are you waiting for new Lulu yoga pants? Are you waiting for a a friend to invite you? Are you waiting to lose some weight? Are you waiting for new shorts?

What are you wanting to Have in order to Be?

Or, can you just be?

"Am" ( as in "I am") is the  present form of the verb "be". What are you? I guarantee you ARE what you do, not what you have. So, do what you ARE. If you wish to be other than what you have created so far, change it. It is only you standing in the way of what you want to be.

It very well may be your 'have's' that barricade you from the 'be' you wish for. Choose to Be/Do/Have rather than the inverse.

At some point you may have what material you wish for. But at the end of the day you will BE, material or not, the action that you are.

If you are doing Yoga, no matter what gear you have, you are doing yoga. You are in your practice.

Namaste-

13- Now here or nowhere

Really, if you are here, be here.  If you are not here now, you are nowhere.

In my life I find myself being physically all the places I need to be.  When I am there, I am doing what needs to be done.  I 'do' well. I often times 'do' more than most.  I suppose thats a good thing with a family of three kids, a business, and a yoga blog to write.

But then there's the process of being here.  Often times I am so busy doing, I forget to be. I forget to actually arrive in my mind, at the same place as my body and be fully present.

Be fully present.

I will be working with the kids on homework while I am thinking about what to make for dinner and while making dinner I will be thinking about what to write in my blog after dinner and after dinner I will be thinking about when the next yoga class is that I can catch and when I am writing my blog I will be thinking about what tasks I need to address in my business and while I am eating breakfast I will be plan what I will make for my GF for a surprise dinner and while I am clearing the breakfast dishes I will be thinking about wanting to play more music and while I am vacumming I will think about the gutters I need to clean and while I am laying in bed, exhausted, I will think about the dog poop I need to pickup before I mow the lawn..

Was that tiring to read? It's tiring to live for sure.

Not being present leaves me distracted and disconnects me from the joy that exists in each moment.  Yes, even the dog poop can have have moments of joy..  barring the aromatics. Foul aromatics and I really don't agree.

Yoga gives me an hour or two where I simply am 'now here' or for the purpose of the blog, I should say 'now there' but that wouldn't work with the now here/nowhere play on words.

I am deeply in the process of connecting to the practice, to enjoying all the sensations.  I enjoy the depth of the stretch and the shudder of my muscles. I enjoy the musings of the instructor as it connects all to my time on the mat. I enjoy the thought of "I will do yoga until I am no longer able... and that will be for a very long time."

I connect to the discomfort of the heat. I connect to the sometimes foul stench wafting from others bodys as they sweat out garlic, beer, booze and pachuli (sp?). I connect to my own dissapointment that I missed 43 years of yoga.

At the end of each thought I find myself right there, on the mat. Smiling.  My mind may be monkey in nature but I take pleasure in knowing it is at least confined to my mat. I have caged my monkey for an hour. I have managed to be 'now here', on my mat, in my practice and in my life. If only I could stand on my mat the other 23 hours of the day.

The mat is a launching point for the balance of my life.

Namaste-

12- Priorities.

It’s a Friday night. It’s the first Friday of the month and all of Bend comes to life with Art Hop.  All the art galleries are open offering free drinks of the adult variety (some kid friendly too) and snacks to welcome in their new artists.  Bend is quite fond of this tradition.  It’s a regular party where the galleries host, the artists come, the appreciators of art have pinky’s-up conversations and the balance of the city comes to crash it. 

Things can get out of hand at times. Streets are blocked with overflowing ‘art hoppers. 60 year old men in pressed outfits have been known to stumble to their knees with too much free booze. 30 year old women have been known to stumble on their words with too much free booze, trying to land a date with the artist. It’s the usual thing of release.  All week long, people build up energies that they need to express.  Drinking, socializing, dancing, dining all top the list for the usual suspects.  My ‘usual suspect’ has found a new release.

Class at Namaspa with Mary Kelley was called ‘shake your asana’.  Forgive me if I misspell Sanskrit words, but English can be challenging enough at times.  I’ll opt for phonetics and or spell check when I am attempting the language of Yoga.

The vibe was a bit more upbeat, it was a Friday night, lets-get-this-party-started theme but not in a ‘Pink’ kind of way.  The class was energizing and a ringing out of all the week’s build-up. It was awash with music and lightness. Not the usual more serious practice that I usually connect to, but there was balance.

I had not been to yoga with my GF in a few weeks.  She is the one that turned me on to yoga a few years back and for a moment, the tables are turned. Lately,  I have gone more frequently than she. In several poses she chimed in while watching me.. ‘That’s great!’ ‘Good job!’ ‘WOW!’

This truly means a lot to me for two reasons. One- she is the one that turned me on to it.  I am thankful that the one who showed me the practice sees my embrace of it. Two- she is a twisty doll.  She is often times the  most flexible one on the mat.. even more so than people half her age. Three- she knows and loves me.  She understands how generally inflexible I am and how this practice is really reshaping my being. I know, that was three reasons, I forgot to include that one about her being twice as flexible as people half her age… I’m placing the credit where credit is due.

She actually told me my chair pose was ‘beautiful’. Maybe in a few more classes, she’ll tell me I have a nice asana.

I am growing by leaps and bounds in my flexibility and enjoying the new connections on the mat.

Namaste-

11- Christmas morning exuberance

Christmas eve was always torturous. Flopped on the floor in front of the pile of presents, longing to know what was inside.  The torture was bitter sweet. It was lovely to know that the morning would come. It would be a long night of tossing and turning, cursing and waiting for dawn. 

Of course morning came and so would the sugar high from the cookies Santa left.  So would the paper cuts, the hugs, the kisses, the cleanup, the thank-you’s and the disappointment for the presents longed for but missed.  If only Santa had remembered that go-kart, it would have been perfect.

Yes, metaphors run (or at times, ruin) my life.

Yoga at Namaspa offered a new joy for me. For the first time, I could touch my fingers flat on the floor without bending my knees.  I’ve not been able to do this since I was a teenager!

As I was waiting for class, I felt particularly limber and strong. The gentleman next to me appeared to be new and maybe apprehensive. I gave him a smile and closed my eyes to clear my mind making room for my practice.

As I reclined in child’s pose, I thought to myself. “This man is new to this. He is here, as am I. I am happy we are here together and thankful that people come to this practice.” I was actually reciting my own reality about people not caring about banana-seated-sissy-bar-stick-shifted status symbols. I was authentically happy to share the time together.

From that moment on, I was smiling like a simpleton.  Just smiling and sweating, almost giggling with the fact that my yoga transformation was taking hold. After two weeks, I was stronger, leaner, more flexible and seriously bitten by yoga.

The class was full of all types, men, women, all ages, all levels of ability and experience. For the first time, I was not the least experienced or least flexible.  I was somewhere near the middle, albeit towards the backside of the middle.  For me, this was a magnificent accomplishment that kept me a smiling buffoon through the entire class.

I sweat like a racehorse and blew sweat off my nose as it dripped from the tip. And I was smiling. I did the extra push-ups and all the sit-ups, although I had to modify the legs-off-the-floor situps. And I was smiling. I went deeper into stretches than I had been before, by quite a bit. And I was smiling. I did bridge pose AND wheel pose. And I was smiling.  Actually, I couldn’t smile when I did Lions Breath pose… I almost gagged with my head cocked back that far.  We all have our limits.

In savasana, I kept on smiling and thought to myself. ‘Yoga has changed my life in two weeks. I have 50 more weeks to go.’

This is my new Christmas.  I am thrilled for the process. I am thrilled for the results. I am thrilled for the relationships. I am thrilled for the sweat. I am thrilled for the inner changes. I am thrilled for morning to come.

Each day brings me new gifts.

Namaste-   

10- My Yellow Bicycle

This marks the tenth in the series.  There is something special about ten. I am not really sure but somewhere, some numerologist could enlighten me. If that is you, please do.

When I was a lad of 10, I received a bike for my birthday. It was yellow.

Certain times in your life, freedoms are gained that are milestones in your development: The expanse of your neighborhood once you have a bike; The expanse of your city once you have a drivers license; The expanse of your world once you have a passport. New opportunities create new possibilities if you are willing to take the steps to embrace what is before you.

My yellow bike and I went everywhere.  I rode it to school, got lost, crashed, jumped creeks, tried to convert it to a banana-seated-sissy-bar-stick-shifted status symbol and when that failed, converted it to a BMX bike that ultimately garnered much criticism.In hindsight, it really was meant to be a cruiser, not those other incarnations I was forcing.

It was MY yellow bike and we had been through a lot together.  When it came time to say goodbye, even as a 12 year old, it was difficult.  I actually didn’t own a bike for a few years after that. I had to borrow my moms.

Some things in life are difficult to work through. We have had them (things/habits/what-have-you) for years and can’t imagine life without ‘them’.   Yoga has reminded me that my old postures were just fine. They suited me well. They served a purpose at the time. These old ways are now making the room necessary for the new. Where there is a void, something new will fill it. Hopefully, wise choices are made and the new choice is more adaptive for the new life.  

Today, my new yoga experience was at Asmi Yoga in Bend. The studio was by far the largest in Bend and possibly the city’s best kept secret. It is a converted wood shop or metal shop of some sort. Think high ceilings with massive old growth beams, vibrant purple and mustard walls with deep rustic wood grained floors with a warm polished glow. The sound system is so well tuned that you actually can’t define the source of the sounds. You feel the warmth of the sonic wave covering you with.

In yoga this morning, I was really struggling. My hamstrings are as tight as a steel drum; my hips are rigid like granite.  In my own judgment, I sound tight and a parody of middle aged deferred maintenance.

Trying to stretch my problem spots wasn’t working. The kindness and patience of Deb Light allowed me to not connect to judgment of myself but listen to her smooth voice allowing the support to just relax and let it go. I let it go, for a moment, and could feel the stretch reaching deep into my muscles and connecting tissues.

The time spent with Deb was enjoyable, but today more so. She allowed me to work through my habits and found ways for me to find their obsolescence. From this place I could then look to what new opportunity was being offered.

Oddly, I am a shy person.  In my job I come into contact with, I kid you not, a thousand people a day.  I am social, engaging and animated. When it comes to my own needs and my own ‘issues’ being met, oftentimes I feel too self conscious to ask for help or even express a need.  For me to express these, I must be very comfortable and confident with the situation.

Yoga provides a place that has proven to be supportive and if anything, void of judgment. So long as you are there, no one really notices if you have a banana-seated-sissy-bar-stick-shifted status symbol. They are just happy to ride with you.

Namaste. 

9- Moonset-Moonrise

Last night’s home activities consisted of the usual super-charged, fullish moon mayhem. All of us, grownups and all three boys, jumped on the trampoline in the moonlight...  but, we decided jumping in our underwear -boxers- would be a good farewell to the summer and a good show for the moon. So we all found our favorite pair and

Yes, thats how things roll at the house here.  Spontaneous boxerbouncing can erupt at any moment.

When I woke this morning, at about six, the moon was still up and as vivid as the night before.  What a great way to start the day.  Quietly as the others were still asleep, I made my way to the trampoline to pick up the clothes we left out the night before. The trampoline and the moon both called me to jump again so, in my sweats, I jumped again.

As peculiar as you may think it is to midnight boxerbounce, I think it's more peculiar to bounce at 6am, alone while the dog looks on with a cocked head and flopped ears.

The 7am class at Groove was my destination this morning. It was full, mostly female but still a much higher ratio of men in the room than one would expect.   In front of me was a man about 15 years older than me, who was Ghandi-bendi. I was so excited to see someone that I could look to as my future. He was mat poetic. To my right was a yoga instructor doing her time in a class; she was about 15 years younger than me. She was she was flexible, fluid and full of grace.

This was only an hour long class so I would give it my all.

We started out quietly and then rose up with the music. The class had a great flow, with all levels seeming to be in motion together, regardless of their place in the practice.

I have noticed that my pushups are easier. When given the option, I am now taking the extra sessions of pushups.  I believe I drive myself harder when its a one hour class rather than a 90 minute class.  I love the longer poses in the 90 minute class but sometimes a down and dirty 'get-er-done' class really hits the spot.

From my previous posts, I'm sure you all recall with vivid detail, morning yoga was not my favorite.  I have opened my mind to the new possibility and embraced it.

Morning yoga is good... sleep is good too.

Namaste

8- Different strokes, different ponds.

 
Just as many types of music there are in the world, so there are yoga studios.

Many studios approach yoga from an introspective standpoint.  The practice is personal, quiet, fluid and ties to the breath. The breath is the grounding element of a class.

Today I went to Groove yoga.  The 9:30 class was wall to wall, mostly women from 25-50 but a few men as well.  I believe there were five of us.

The colors are bright, vibrant green and blues full of cool energy. The space is sparse, like other studios but has far fewer Buddhist or Asian nods in the decor.

Most notably, Groove is quite centered on the music.  The music is up-beat but not Rave upbeat.  It’s happy, bouncy and positive. The other element about Groove is the level of the music.  Its quite present.  I won’t go so far as to say loud, but it is certainly in the forefront of the practice. The music is so central to the practice, the instructor needs to wear a head set (a la rock star / MC) to be heard.

Although the instructor was quite centered, competent and reminded all to breathe, I found myself grounding to the music. I was thankful when I was reminded to find my breath.

This morning’s class was one of the most challenging classes to date.  The postures were familiar with subtle twists to them. These twists were well orchestrated to allow for a beautiful flow even for a newcomer to the studio.

In my other posts, I have commented on finding flow or ease of transitions. I believe flow is essential to be in the practice.  Finding flow was easy in this class. The flow was more like a modern dance routine rather than a ballet. Nonetheless, the flow was outstanding!

On a funny personal note; I came home drenched in sweat ready for a quick shower and back to work. The universe did not have that in the plans I stripped down, turned on the water and stood in a stream of nothing. Unbeknownst to me, my water had been shut off!

Still cold from sweat, and of course irritated, I went to my front door to see if the city had, for some reason, turned off my water.  Nude, I peered through the crack for the front door, saw no one so opened the door a bit to look under the door mat or on the door itself:  Nothing.

The only thing I saw was my senior citizen neighbor across the street peering at my front door as my hand reached around to feel for a note perhaps discreetly pinned to the door.

I called the City and spoke with a person who said all her information showed I was current and all was well. There appeared to be no reason the water should be interrupted.

I ran to the closet, toweled off and dressed.

As I headed out, I asked my neighbor if he had seen anything.  He said not too long ago there was a City truck in front of the house for a few minutes and then left. He said he didn’t see the woman in the truck really doing anything. She appeared to have just parked for a few minutes, then turned around in his driveway and left.

Confused, I picked up the phone and called the City again and told them that one of their trucks had been outside my house, prior to the interruption.  The person I spoke with at the City (different than the first time) looked up my account and said she showed no record of me calling just minutes before, no record of my service being interrupted, and no service ticket to fix it.  It's a good thing a happened to call again. Otherwise, its likely I would be out of water tomorrow as well.

She issued a 'work order' and said someone would contact me and let me know what the problem was.

I find it very confusing that the City can dispatch a woman in a truck to come to my house, to do something as invasive as shut off my water and there is no record of it. I find it equally odd that I can call the first time to explain the situation and ask for help only to later realize that my request had somehow not been heard.  Odd?

Other issues in my business and daddy life have popped up today, making today quite scattered.  Perhaps this morning’s upbeat, positive class was getting me ready to weather a storm... while still covered in the salty brine of sweat.

Namaste-

7- Candle Light Yoga, At Home.

The title says it, but not all.

Deb Light came to the house to give a very special gift.  She orchestrated a couples yoga, yin yoga style.

My house is very sparse, almost as sparse as a yoga studio. The floors are maple, unstained with a natural finish. In the living room, we have a woven, wool rug in a tribal Afghan style;  the colors are rust, olive, gold and brown. The furniture is all dark brown with brightly colored pillows.  We have a few treasures from travels including Nepalese incense burners and prayer wheels, Guatemalan Masks and Weavings, a statue of the Chinese god of happiness ( I forget his name now), and all sorts of other little, simple things reminding me of who I am and where I am going.

When Deb arrived, we had every candle in the house lit, the yoga mats spread in front of the fireplace and the furniture moved to make room for our evening. Soft Asian music played in the background.

Deb made herself at home and brought out some Thai prayer chimes, a book of prepared readings and a CD of prayer bowls chiming.

We started on our yoga mats in the candlelit room, in front of the fire sitting cross-legged and back to back.  We were using one another as props for posture as we breathed in unison, deeply and peacefully.

In yin, the poses are long and intentional.  Even the breathing is deep, long and intentional. Sitting with one you love in these long intentional poses, breathing as one is a deeply relaxing and connecting exercise.

The entire evening of poses continued in this manner.  All the poses somehow involved touch and connections.

Deb has a very soothing, calm voice and manner about her. She specifically selected readings for us that she would recite while in our poses.  Her placid manner allowed us to relax into the pose and meditated on her musings.

The night ended in Savasana, as expected.  However the usual soft and easy touch was extended to a few deeper massages that really sank us into an opiate-like relaxed state. Deb changed the audio wash of prayer bowls to a soothing music of a modern, Middle Eastern vibe.

After the practice concluded, we invited Deb to stay for a late, light faire dinner of garden fresh tomatoes stuffed with a corn salad, a curried rice and veggie salad and roasted red potatoes with garlic, olive oil, rosemary and sea-salt…  Yes, I love to cook and have people over for dinner.

I highly encourage you to have this event in your home, with someone you love, with someone close, with someone you thoroughly enjoy being connected to. Your connection will be deeper.



Namaste-

6- Community

Namaspa, the community class- Namaspa offers a great class at 4:00 on Tuesdays.  The class is less full than the 5:30 class.

Previously, the instructors have said that core work never gets easier.  I found a couple of cheats that made it easier!  Not that I want to cheat my self, but if I have to not do the core work at all becasue its too difficult, then a small cheat is better than laying flat on my back.

Ususally we lay on our backs with our legs (supposedly) hinged 90d. at the hips- toes to the ceiling. Yeah, I can not do that.  So I bend by knees and do the sit-ups with that modification.  It's relieving to know I can do the sit ups and yes, they are difficult. I highly recommend taking the modification suggestions if you find yourself in distress.  There is no sense in punishing yourself rather than caring for yourself.

My sweat factor seemed to drop (not drip) yesterday. I'm not sure if it was a heat issue or some personal phase I was going through. Last weeks torrential downpour of sweat gave way to a mist last night.  I even brought a towel to sop it all up!

I continue to feel stronger, have better posture and now, am noticing, I have a measurable increase in my flexibility. I am still at 178 lbs.

When I sit, I sit taller and actually feel the curve of my lower back feeling strong and engaged. I am sitting on my 'sit-bones' rather than rolling just behind them and resting on the muscle in my gluteous maximus (my arse).

Not one minute of this practice has been time wasted, nor disappointing. Absolutely, it has taken effort and intent. Rather than mindlessly careening out of control towards ill-being, I am being mindful and in control of my health.

How many times have you bellied up to a table, inhaled some pizza/burger/greasy lunch and not really thought of the consequence? How many times have you come home from work, turned on the TV and sat for 2/3/4 hours, had a drink or two, then take your slowly deteriorating temple to bed.  Toss, turn, ache, fret, flop lather-rinse-repeat...?

You can continue on that path and more likely than not, you will continue to achieve those results.

You can step up, and in one short week have results that will leave you thankful for your commitment and begging for more.

For me, it is a simple decision. Choosing health takes effort but it is an effort worth giving. Choosing hedonism takes no effort but leaves me with an undesirable result.

Oh god, listen to me...  I sound like a ridiculous television advertisement. THAT was not one of the desired results.

Namaste-

5- Touch

More yin yoga tonight.  This time, it was with Deb Light at Namaspa.  There are two things that stand out in sessions with Deb.

The readings. During our poses, Deb recites verses from books that pertain to the pose.  Her soft, comforting voice allows for the words to ease into the mind while staying in the pose, in the breath and with your intention.  Her literary choices deepen the yin practice in a mindful manner.

Touch.  At the end of the practice, we lay still, prostrate in savasana. This pose, the anti-pose, is the final few moments of the practice. During this time, I find myself somewhere between sleep and waking allowing my body to settle into the newly stretched form.

While in this state, Deb very gently will touch each one of us with an adjustment of sorts. When Deb reaches me, she gently rubs my temples then touches me in the middle of my forehead.  I am unsure what she does to adjust others but I do hear very subtle sighs as she touches them too.

It is very hard for me to explain the magic of this touch.  It simply seals in the practice and somehow connects us to one another.  I am at a loss for words that will give it the credit due so as it pertains to yoga, I'll ponder it a while and see if I can convey the meaning in another post.

Touch, to me, is the language of love.  To touch another living being with kindness in your heart not only feels right to give, but also to receive. I touch my friends, family, children, GF all on a daily basis. Hugs, hand holding, kisses, pats, standing close, shoulder rubs, back rubs, facial rubs are in my daily repertoire.   Life without this kind of connection feels vacant to me.

When in yoga, having the instructor adjust a pose, massage a part of you that appears tight or pull on you to make the pose go deeper just ads to the magic of yoga.  Perhaps its just me.

I am very thankful for these adjustments at anytime as I feel my body respond as well as my spirit settles into the warmth of touch.

After 5 classes in three days, my body feels great. I feel taller, more balanced and more flexible.  I can actually see the difference in my posture when I look in the mirror.  I've not lost any weight but thats not really an issue for me. If 10-15 pounds shed, I would be delighted.  If my flexibility and posture continue to gain, I have succeeded.

I slept very well last night. This my have been the first deep sleep I have had in months. I imagine I will tonight and many nights to come as well.

Namaste-

4-Transitions

In music, a transition, a bridge leads from the verse to the theme- the chorus.

Baking leads from the individual ingredients, to dough, to heat, to a finished bread.

Transitions in painting move from pigment to canvas, to image.

Like shifting gears in a car, it is the grace with which you depress the clutch, release the accelerator, select the new gear and ease the clutch back in without feeling a grind or lurch in the car. This is the essence of a transition. Hopefully, your transitions are smooth.

Often times transitions are thought of as a necessary step to get to a goal, a destination. In Yoga managing the transitions and embracing them with flow makes for an easier, enjoyable path.

Today at Namaspa I was reminded of the importance of this flow and how the transitions are essential to flow. The poses are all the same poses we are exposed to at each of the studios.  However, each instructor has a different flow.

Susie at Namaspa has a very smooth flow. She offers dialog that assists in where the class is and where we will be going.  As the poses change, there is always a vinyasa (a short routine) that leads effortlessly into the the next set of poses.

It is in this flow that yoga can feel like a dance. Dancing with a partner with whom you have a flow is far more pleasurable than one with two left feet.  Each of us have a way about ourselves that will flow with another and a way about ourselves that will grind gears.

Today was like water flowing.  Yes, that is a metaphor and triple entendre referencing my perspiration, the down-pouring rain and Suzie's flow.

Next class, I will take a towel and hope for flow.

Namaste-

3- Yin

Yin yoga is a type of yoga, that if you asked my a while back, I would have told you thats what yoga is.  Yin is slow, intentional, introspective, meditative and not dynamic to the outside spectator.

The postures in Yin are held for a relatively long time. The poses are 5-7 minutes and have a slow, methodical pace to the pose.  These poses are effective for relaxing, deep stretches in deeply locked muscles.

I have, as I keep saying, very tight hamstrings as well as tight hips.  Yin yoga forces a pose to be held long enough for the connective tissues to start to give.  Yin holds poses in a manner that allows for the cells to get, perhaps, agitated and create new blood flow to areas otherwise a desert in the body.

When I am in a longish, Yin posture, I first settle in to the edge of my ability, then after about 3 minutes, find the ability to go another 10 percent deeper.  It is in this next level that I feel mu muscles ir connective tissues are gaining the benefit.

Once the pose reaches about 5 minutes, the instructor has us movong out of the pose.  I have the feeling that I could, at that moment, go another step deeper and hang out for an minute of two more.  There is also an intuitive tone ringing that tells me I had better not. 'This is plenty deep for today; tomorrow will come and we'll see about new depths then.'

I release with the rest of the class and after a few hours, my body is thankful for the stretch I have, I'm more thankful for the injury I do not.

Todays afternoon class was at Life Love Yoga in Sisters.  They were having an open house with food, drinks and merriment for all. We arrived at about three to see their open house and change for the 3:30 class.

The space had retail clothing, some yoga mats and other items all for women.  As usual, I was the token male.

The yoga room had one pale green/yellow wall with the balance being wood, tongue and groove wood slats. The high ceiling was supported by dark stained beams. The room, like most yoga rooms, had a clean,sparse feel with a few Buddhas and lovely Thai art on the walls.

Unlike the other studios I've been to, this room was by contrast, cold. The room was at 70 degrees compared to most rooms that are at 90 degrees. I hear Bikram is actually over 100 degrees.

Somewhere between the placid pace of Yin and the 70 degree room, my body decided sweating was not an option.  After this mornings class (sweat bath) its a good thing it was cooler.  I think I'm still a quart low in my H2O.

The class consisted of me and  10 women of ages 30 to 65. Its always so interesting to me that women tend to 'care' for themselves while men tend to go pump iron in anticipation of some future battle. This was a room with care written all over it.

All of us enjoyed different stages of ability. Even in Yin, one can look like a Chinese acrobat and others can look as if they are not participating, just sitting.  Thats the beauty of yoga- just showing up is beneficial. No matter what your level, if you are trying and find your personal edge- the place where you are wanting out of the pose- you are doing just as much as the little pretzel on the other side of the room.

When I sit on the floor leaning forward to touch my toes, I end up rounding my back at about 1degree past the vertical line.  Thats my edge.  Thats where is challenging for me to keep good form but I feel the stretch deeply.  My GF, she can sit on the floor with her legs out in front of her and hinge at the waist, placing her forehead on her shins. Thats where her edge is. Thats where she feels the same stretch as I. So, were even....not really but I like to think of it that way as I look at her with disbelief and amazement of her ability.

I'm not there yet, but even in the last few days, I can feel certain changes in my hips and hamstrings that make me smile.

Our class was only an hour but felt just right for the day. It was an enjoyable ride home as the droplets raced across the windscreen.

Tonight I'll sleep well.

2-Morning Sweat

Morning is different for many people.  I tend to wake up fairly early and enjoy being a little quiet while I get my self together for the day.  I certainly appreciate the ritual of coffee in the morning prior to engaging in the world.

As a father, mornings tend to be anything but that.  Sweet young people will often come into my bed to snuggle and reconnect.  Mornings then erupt into "...'Dad, I want my blue shirt? 'Dad, can you find my Darth Vader Lego.' 'Dad can I have cold lunch today? I hate those plastic-cheese nachos.' etc etc etc.  Then comes the intrasibling brawls... if you are a parent, you know the drill.  If you are a sib, you know the drill.  If you are neither, you are really missing a rich part of life.

Yoga is never on the morning routine. As a thought, going from the cocoon of a warm bed, to some sweats or shorts with the intention of hitting the mat, it just sounds off.  I have run, cycled, walked, skied, snowshoed, hiked and all other sports before 7:00am. All these seem like adventures, excitement, reasons to get out of bed.

Yoga involves stretching the body.  My particular body is one that responds slowly to stretching.  It tends to talk back to me all the time I am stretching. Throwing my body to that kind of backtalk, first thing in the morning is like dealing with a sassy gradeschooler while still in the cloudy brain of early morning.

I enjoy yoga, just not in the morning.

Today, I went to a 7:30am class.  Namaspa has a class that just happens to fit my schedule and will certainly keep me on my path.  So, with all that anti-morning-yoga-chatter in my mind, I went.

I was astounded at how many people were there.  My guess is it was 75% full, mostly women- 3 men. The room was warm and quiet. No music was playing. Most people appeared to still be in the quiet of their morning.

The instructor started off by saying she runs a challenging class.  With my stiff body attempting to simply stretch my hamstrings, this was the last thing I wanted to hear.

I sweat, A LOT.  I don't have any 'odor' to my perspiration but I definitely sweat enough for three people. The challenging class she offered would push me to the realm of four people.

As I hold plank pose and shudder from my naval to my shoulders, I watch the sweat drip off of nose, just one more drip shy of a stream.  I think this amount of perspiration in likely a good thing. Toxins must be leaving my body in these rivulets of sweat. Only in Yoga do I sweat this much.

With the exception of  intense core/abdominal work and my chronically tight hamstrings, the morning class was fantastic.  Our instructor let us all in on a secret: Core work never really gets better.  I am happy to know that even the yogini pretzels in the class find core work challenging. My hamstrings, hopefully, will eventually give way to flexibility.

Although the first 15 minutes of the class were a struggle to get going, I will go to morning classes again.  Today, I feel strong and alive, centered and thankful for the time this morning.

Its a toss up- Morning Yoga or sleeping in. Until this morning, Yoga wasn't on the list. It's amazing how given opportunity and a willing participant, the whole world can change. I am willing.

Yes, chances are that noticeably sweaty guy next to you is me.

Namaste-

1- Only Now.

The first class was at Mandala Yoga Community (MYC).

I stepped in to the building and conquered the stairs three at a time. I was cutting it close as it was a lunch-time class. I was reacquainted with Nick at the front counter and told him about my grand prize fortune. He let me know all was well and I was already in the computer, ready to go.

I felt a little self conscious as I looked into the Yoga room.  The room was already full and I was still in my street clothes... oh no, I was going to be that guy... stumbling in, late and trying to find a space to place my mat.

I rushed to the changing room, disrobed and dressed for success:  Hawaiian print, garish shorts and a black tee. When I returned to the Yoga room, the door was shut.  Was this a social faux pas to open the door, would I kindly be asked to leave, would I find a space in this sold-out show?  I was so in my head of the usual swirlings a stopped and laughed- 'this is yoga, where nothing is judged.'

In Buddhist meditation, the act of endless mental chatter is called monkey mind. That place we have all been or still go when we are not in the immediate moment. With three young boys, I tend to live in monkey mind.

I opened the door and found the only space on available. It was directly in front of the door. I mean directly.  It would actually be where an entry rug would be placed. Of course.

The instructor, Lucious, (pronounced 'Lou-shus', not slang for delicious) smiled and gave me the nod 'yep, that spot there will be just fine.' I was late,  everyone was prostrate, on their backs with eyes closed in a breathing exercise. I wasn't about to disrupt this moment so I took my place on my back with my head nearly grazing the door.  My heels were so close to the man in front of me, I think I could have stuck my big toes in his ears.  Clearly, that would not be in good form, we had yet to be introduced.

I relaxed into the mat and became aware of the wonderful vibe around me. The room was warm and full of rhythmic, soothing music. The low lighting bathed the rich wall colors, the wall hangings were of an Indian or Thai nature, softening the hard surfaces. All was sparse, inviting, simple, clean and relaxing...  Hey, I would like to have those candles at my house...  (bad monkey mind)

Lucious was already in his guiding practice, helping us to find a soft rhythm and bring our focus out of our heads and into breathing.

We moved through the class with ease and grace, several simple poses all of which I had done before.  I was thankful for the class being about flow and breathing.  It was the first class of my journey and to have it be so effortless was nice.

Yes it was centering.  I calmed my monkey a bit and found focus to be in the moment.  As we were in class, Lucious reminded us..' there is no future, there is no tomorrow, there is no past, only now.  This is the moment that matters.  It is all we have and we have it together. We are to go out into the world and be vessels of light to communicate with others. We are to be kind to each other and recognize the light within each other.... Namaste.'

This is the essence of Yoga I love.  This is the lightness of being that I wish to carry around all day in my caffeinated, overstressed, daddy-daycare, intense being.

My body felt more fluid, relaxed yet very alive.  The class was far less demanding than several of the classes I had taken before, but hey- I have 364 days ahead, no need to rush.

This week I have 3 more classes scheduled.. maybe I'll sneak in a fourth by Monday morning.

I love this path.


PS:
Sept 17th 2010 update.

I barely slept last night.  I was awake from midnight to 4:30am...  My body was a bit sore but thats not what kept me up.  I was simply, awake after about 3 hours of sleep.  I wonder if that is my usual sleeplessness of something associated with the class yesterday.  As of 11:00am this morning, I feel great and have all the focus/energy I need.

Thats all- just an awareness.

Why

Every great adventure starts with a question.  Sir Edmond Hillary climbed it because ....  I dont know actually but I am certain he had a reason that resonated with him. Whatever his reason, it was bold enough to carry him to the highest peak in the world.  He must have had a reason but, why?

His reason may have been vanity. His reason may have been monetary.  He may have secretly been the first environmentalist who realized everything was going to hell in a hand basket and wanted to see it all fresh and crisp before it collapsed.

I don't know, nor do you, and possible nor did Hillary.

I have no intention of climbing the highest peak, nor am I interested in going a place no one has been before.  I am interested in sharing my feelings and process with others who may be interested in another's journey.  To share it with someone who is a voyeur. To share it with someone who would like a vicarious journey.

My promise to you is simple.  I will share all my thoughts, my aspirations, my fears and my inappropriate-in- certain-circles feelings.

Hi-

My name is not important, but who I am is.  I am a 43year old man. I am a father. I am a friend. I am a lover. I am a small business person. I am competitive. I am spiritual. I am curious beyond belief. I am a traveler. I am open minded. I am loving. I am kind. I am healthy.

I am out of shape.

I am scared.

I am not alone.

I have done yoga off and on for about three years now.  I have done it regular enough to feel the benefits of my body and mind. I have also fallen off the yoga wagon long enough to recognize its benefits through absence. Sometimes you have to fall off the wagon to know why its a good place to be. Hopefully the fall wasn't too far as getting back on can be a bitch.

I attended a yoga charity event in Bend, Oregon on September 12th of 2010.  There were about 300 people there doing yoga under warm clear skies along the Deschutes River. It was a spectacular vision of community, beauty, different ages and abilities all together, supporting each other while being in their practice.

I am not a gambling man.  Nope.  I own a small business and in this dynamic economy we have created for ourselves, my business is gamble enough. But that day, I bought raffle tickets. Twelve for Ten dollars. I am always a giver... a charitable man.  I am happy to say, at the end of the road - I will have paved the way for others less fortunate. Maybe not wholly "paved the way" but a few pot-holes will be filled for my giving.

The raffle included items from five to thousands of dollars.  Coffee cards, smoothie cards, free yoga clothes, free passes at yoga studios, free dinners in beautiful hotels, etc etc etc.  The usual goodies businesses give that help events turn services into dollars, into donations, into help for the charity they support.

The Taj Mahal prize of  the raffle was quite impressive.  All the attending yoga studios agreed to offer a 'gold-pass'. This pass would be be valid 365 days, any time, any class at any studio. In Bend there are several studios. Five studios participated in this give.  An unlimited pass at all five will certainly ensure whomever the winner is a rubber soul and a fluid body. If yoga people can be described as 'on pins and needles with excitement', they were. This was the grand-prize to trump all grand-prizes.

I won.

Being a divorced father of three young boys, with them in my care most of the time, I can assure you - I have very little money to spend on myself. This prize could not have fallen into hands that would be more appreciative.  This prize would not go to waste. I have five yoga studios, four divisions of my business, three children .... oh no, I am going to break my pattern here... one girlfriend and one life to live.

I begin my path today at 178lbs, according to the bathroom scale... which is a bit old and I am certain off one way or another.  I am not very flexible. I don't sleep very well at all. I get unwarrantedly, albeit mildly,  irritated when I am tired and wish it wasn't the case. I loose my focus easily......

I hope to achieve more focus, more flexibility, better sleep, a lighter weight, better muscle tone, and set a sound example for my family of tenacity and health that leads to a better life for all.

I'll begin in earnest tomorrow with the yoga.  I'll tell you what I feel in my body, my emotions and what I notice about my surroundings.  Today, it sounds not too exciting but I am sure, given my curious nature, I will fall on my head, get into positions or situations that make me laugh uncontrollably, and I am confident I will cry from places I have never been.

If you choose to follow this, please comment.  It will keep me writing. It will keep me going. It will support my journey of a Year of Yoga