18- Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder.

Yoga is a lot of things.  Yoga is not the answer to it all.

Yoga is not a religion. Yoga is not a bunch of Hari Krishnas (sp) communing in a love in while eating tofu. Yoga is not a threat to your way of life ( if you think so, you may consider your way of life). Yoga is not glamorous. Yoga is not just for women. Yoga is not just for men. Yoga does not require you to sacrifice coffee, beer, wine, cigarettes, tea, or beef… although you may find you have more balance if you forego some. Yoga is not easy. Yoga is not impossible.

Yoga is a commitment and if you truly are committed, you will miss it when you are apart. Like a loved one your time together and the gifts you share make life grand. Smiles, laughs, pleasure and compliments abound in the good times.

It is in the difficult times that the relationship is tested. When you transition through a difficult moment, find thanks in the knowledge that together, you have prevailed and at the end of the day, the laughter returns.

In the last week I have gone to exactly one yoga class.  I miss my time on the mat and think of it fondly, even the tribulations conquered on my 2 x 5 rubber foundation.

I believe I will reunite, tonight.

Namaste-

17 - Yogandhi

Each time I am at yoga, I learn something new.  More often than not, it’s about my body.

“Oh Look”, I say to myself, “My ankles really are kind of week.  Look at them quiver and collapse as I try to stand on the ball of one foot while contorted like a package of sillybands.” “I am starting to get really strong in my shoulders from all this downward dog.” “My hamstrings are finally loosening up, I am stoked!”

(Caution: Shallow, verging on judgmental and immature musings ahead.)

Then there was today’s revelation. A young lady behind me was watching me go up into a headstand. Covered in sweat, my shirt flopped downward over my face and practically suffocated me.  My graceful headstand was over after the homicidal attempt of the sweat-mop. As I turned around, she smiled at me with a small smirk. Back to the mat I went.

After class she approached me and said, "that’s all right, in a few weeks of class your belly will be gone and you won’t sweat so much."

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Really, did she just say that?

I was shocked, embarrassed, mortified and then I laughed.  

I have a belly.  Yes, a bit… but really, only a little bit. I thought it was so damn funny that her perception was how my belly or my sweatyness was of concern to me.  Sure, I suppose it was a bit. Clearly not as much as the lack of oxygen from the stank-sponge and the possibility that in my blinded crumpling from headstand to the mat that I might accidentally kick/hurt/topple someone.

 

She was quite concerned about my belly and my sweat.  I’ll work on that for ya sistah!

(End of Caution Zone)

Just before bellydonna (slipped that one in!) shared her depth with me, I received a pointer from Gerry Lopez.  For those who don’t know who Gerry  is, let me give you the Cliffs Notes.  He is an Internationally known surfer, an entrepreneur, a really cool cat and a man who has been doing yoga since 1969.  He is the ultimate testament of what yoga can do for you to keep you strong, flexible and vibrant in every phase of your life.  He is my yogandhi.

He asked if he could give me some pointers on my upward facing dog.  Of course, like an excited puppy, I said sure. He corrected a few of my alignments that would make the asana better, deeper… easier.

The pose begins prostrate, flat on your belly. Then, with your hands under your shoulders, push your torso upwards so just the tops of your feet are on the mat and your hands are directly aligned under your shoulders.

Gerry said I was looking to the sky rather than having a soft gaze straight ahead and my shoulders were pitched ahead of my hands.  This misalignment would create more stress and less stretch.

Who was I to argue? This is my yogahero and I was thrilled to take his gift to heart. When your heroes talk, just listen, consider and obey.

Gerry didn't say a word about my belly or my sweat. He appeared glad to be there, and glad to offer an observation.  Thats what its all about.

Namaste-

16- Are you experienced?

 

According to statistics, I am an anomaly. I don't relish the thought of having all the the trimmings required to be a model citizen and yet, some I have. I think its a philosophical diversion. 

We are told minute by minute by all forms of media what things we are too acquire. Which soda to consume, which 'snack-food' will double as an athletic energy supplement, which water will enhance our performance, which clothes will get us the spouse of our dreams and which car will send the message that we care about the environment while driving our flex-fuel SUV.

I think the poet Mick Jagger said it well while he was seeking his form of enlightenment, his form of Satisfaction: When I'm drivin' in my car -  And the man comes on the radio - He's tellin' me more and more - About some useless information - Supposed to drive my imagination.......When I'm watchin' my TV - And that man comes on to tell me - How white my shirts can be -But he can't be a man 'cause he doesn't smoke The same cigarettes as me.

Its all around us.  We are supposed to be the sum total of our acquisitions. 

If my house were to burn to the ground, and I had one thing to save, it would be my hard drive(s).  They contain thousands of photographs of all the adventures and people that make up my life. These are the people I love and the places I have shared with them.  The meals, the laughs, the moments that make up life are here. These acquisitions of experience are what make up life. The clothes, cars, furniture, and gadgets are not. These items make my life easier but they are not my experiences. They have no emotional value.

In yoga, when on the mat, the experience you are having is what molds your moment. You can be traumatized by the intensity of the asana (pose) or you can be thankful for the gift the asana gives. At the end of the practice, you will be left with what your perception, your experience is.

I choose to appreciate the time, hard or easy, I am thankful for what I have gained. There are days that are quite difficult and days that flow, but at the end of the practice, as I lay in savasana, I always find grace and express gratitude for the experience.  

In spite of any difficulty I can always find the gift of the experience. Sometimes it is hard to admit or concede that the experience contains a gift but when I lay in bed at night, just before sleep, I find what has been offered. I accept it and am thankful. 

I am the sum of my experiences.

Namaste-  

15- Kids, woman, yoga, work, dishes, insomnia, friends, parents, yard-work, house repairs.

Its been too long. Its been about a week, no, six days since I have blogged.  I have learned a lot about myself, about yoga and about priorities.

In no particular order, kids, woman, yoga, work, dishes, insomnia, friends, parents, yard-work and house repairs take my waking moments. I find it funny that yoga classes are a joy to attend and yet writing the blog stumps me.  I've been to three classes since my last writing and have reasons that I have not written, all of which are in the title.

But, I have practiced. I have grown and I have loved my experience.  I have gained in my flexibility and strength. I have gained focus.

Both my parents are English majors and have been in education their entire careers. They have both taught English, writing, reading, grammar and whatever other disciplines in the language are offered at any level.

Yes, school was important when I was younger. I was never a straight "A" student by a long shot, but I always succeeded in writing, reading, grammar etcetera (never spelling though). One would think I would have no trouble writing my yoga blog with my background.

Nope, it actually is difficult for me.  I find that where once I succeeded, I now have a self conscious streak. I'ts quite odd.  I can stand dripping with sweat with am entire room full of 20somethings who are bendi-flexi-fit-and-friendli and not really think much of what they must think of me. Yoga is just that kind of a place.  In the settings I have been fortunate enough to practice, all the people in the room are just glad to be there with you.

When I write about yoga, I am not concerned that you may know I was having a rough time. I am not concerned that you know I am sweaty and stinky. That I look like Gene Wilder on a bad hair day.

I am concerned that I have your attention and that I have a compelling story that may encourage you to well being. My nakedness is before you in the text and it is not the content, but the delivery that makes me blush.

I have learned that yoga, at least on the mat, is a very safe place free of judgement.  As I look at others in graceful poses I no longer think, 'I'll never do that.' I simply see the pose and think of the commitment to the practice that person has. To connect to the commitment that has brought them to that pose.

And when I see someone new to class, maybe struggling,  I have a similar set of thoughts.  I simply see them and think of the circumstances that have brought them to this place and their steps to commitment. I connect to the commitment that has brought them to the mat.

So what stops me from flowing in my writing?  Perhaps nothing. Its possible that I have a vinyasa flow but am just too busy in my monkey mind to allow my blogging to just be. To give the same grace that yoga gives me on the mat is one gift I would like.

Tonight in yoga at Namaspa the instructor, Susie brought another nugget of wisdom to the room. As we were flipping over from a plank pose (the starting position of a push up) to a flipped, three legged dog, (think hips off the ground towards the sky, both feet on the ground, one hand reaching up and one down to support the upper body) she said.." its crowded in here tonight so feel free, as you 'flip your dog' to place your foot on your neighbors mat. Just don't step on their foot."

The gift of yoga is starting to spill off the mat. I promise, I'll be mindful as to not step on anyones toes.

Namaste-

14- Have, Do, Be / Be, Do, Have.

I know people,  I know all kinds of people. Some are 'have's' some are 'have not's' but very few are 'be's'.

Again, I digress and delve into metaphor.

Haves: Some people go to REI, to buy the best gear. They have absolutely the most current and up to date technology in very cool colors. Their closets are full of ropes, backpacks, coats, pants, lights, stoves, tents, sleeping bags, ice-axes and all other sorts of gear that I don't know the name of.

Their gear is impressive and well cared for.  They are certain to keep it clean and ready for action. They are pre-packed and ready to roll for any adventure. They have the gear cataloged just in case they lend it out.. so they can be sure to get it back in in the 'ready-bag'.

The level of their gear is that of a professional mountain climber or adventurer.  Top notch. The bees knees. The cats meow. The belle of the ball.

However, the gear really never leaves the closet.  It is a symbol, a point of identification for them.  If they have the right gear, then the can at any moment go climb a mountain. They, therefore, are a mountain climber.

I disagree.

Have Nots: Then there are the Sherpas of Nepal. They live in the Himalaya's. They walk, hike, climb all day long. They carry others bags on their shoulder to the top of the mountain. They live on chai and yak fat wrapped in bandannas stuffed in their pocket.

The do not have a North Face puffy coat. They do not have a -40 degree sleeping bag. They do not have Maui Jim polarized sun glasses. They do not have a butane stove that can burn in a  hurricane. They do not have micro-uber-polar-feather weight-fleece. They do not have Merril hard-shell crampon friendly carbon fiber boots.

Yet, they climb.

So, ask yourself. Are you waiting for a new yoga mat? Are you waiting for more time? Are you waiting for the last episode in the TV series? Are you waiting for new Lulu yoga pants? Are you waiting for a a friend to invite you? Are you waiting to lose some weight? Are you waiting for new shorts?

What are you wanting to Have in order to Be?

Or, can you just be?

"Am" ( as in "I am") is the  present form of the verb "be". What are you? I guarantee you ARE what you do, not what you have. So, do what you ARE. If you wish to be other than what you have created so far, change it. It is only you standing in the way of what you want to be.

It very well may be your 'have's' that barricade you from the 'be' you wish for. Choose to Be/Do/Have rather than the inverse.

At some point you may have what material you wish for. But at the end of the day you will BE, material or not, the action that you are.

If you are doing Yoga, no matter what gear you have, you are doing yoga. You are in your practice.

Namaste-

13- Now here or nowhere

Really, if you are here, be here.  If you are not here now, you are nowhere.

In my life I find myself being physically all the places I need to be.  When I am there, I am doing what needs to be done.  I 'do' well. I often times 'do' more than most.  I suppose thats a good thing with a family of three kids, a business, and a yoga blog to write.

But then there's the process of being here.  Often times I am so busy doing, I forget to be. I forget to actually arrive in my mind, at the same place as my body and be fully present.

Be fully present.

I will be working with the kids on homework while I am thinking about what to make for dinner and while making dinner I will be thinking about what to write in my blog after dinner and after dinner I will be thinking about when the next yoga class is that I can catch and when I am writing my blog I will be thinking about what tasks I need to address in my business and while I am eating breakfast I will be plan what I will make for my GF for a surprise dinner and while I am clearing the breakfast dishes I will be thinking about wanting to play more music and while I am vacumming I will think about the gutters I need to clean and while I am laying in bed, exhausted, I will think about the dog poop I need to pickup before I mow the lawn..

Was that tiring to read? It's tiring to live for sure.

Not being present leaves me distracted and disconnects me from the joy that exists in each moment.  Yes, even the dog poop can have have moments of joy..  barring the aromatics. Foul aromatics and I really don't agree.

Yoga gives me an hour or two where I simply am 'now here' or for the purpose of the blog, I should say 'now there' but that wouldn't work with the now here/nowhere play on words.

I am deeply in the process of connecting to the practice, to enjoying all the sensations.  I enjoy the depth of the stretch and the shudder of my muscles. I enjoy the musings of the instructor as it connects all to my time on the mat. I enjoy the thought of "I will do yoga until I am no longer able... and that will be for a very long time."

I connect to the discomfort of the heat. I connect to the sometimes foul stench wafting from others bodys as they sweat out garlic, beer, booze and pachuli (sp?). I connect to my own dissapointment that I missed 43 years of yoga.

At the end of each thought I find myself right there, on the mat. Smiling.  My mind may be monkey in nature but I take pleasure in knowing it is at least confined to my mat. I have caged my monkey for an hour. I have managed to be 'now here', on my mat, in my practice and in my life. If only I could stand on my mat the other 23 hours of the day.

The mat is a launching point for the balance of my life.

Namaste-

12- Priorities.

It’s a Friday night. It’s the first Friday of the month and all of Bend comes to life with Art Hop.  All the art galleries are open offering free drinks of the adult variety (some kid friendly too) and snacks to welcome in their new artists.  Bend is quite fond of this tradition.  It’s a regular party where the galleries host, the artists come, the appreciators of art have pinky’s-up conversations and the balance of the city comes to crash it. 

Things can get out of hand at times. Streets are blocked with overflowing ‘art hoppers. 60 year old men in pressed outfits have been known to stumble to their knees with too much free booze. 30 year old women have been known to stumble on their words with too much free booze, trying to land a date with the artist. It’s the usual thing of release.  All week long, people build up energies that they need to express.  Drinking, socializing, dancing, dining all top the list for the usual suspects.  My ‘usual suspect’ has found a new release.

Class at Namaspa with Mary Kelley was called ‘shake your asana’.  Forgive me if I misspell Sanskrit words, but English can be challenging enough at times.  I’ll opt for phonetics and or spell check when I am attempting the language of Yoga.

The vibe was a bit more upbeat, it was a Friday night, lets-get-this-party-started theme but not in a ‘Pink’ kind of way.  The class was energizing and a ringing out of all the week’s build-up. It was awash with music and lightness. Not the usual more serious practice that I usually connect to, but there was balance.

I had not been to yoga with my GF in a few weeks.  She is the one that turned me on to yoga a few years back and for a moment, the tables are turned. Lately,  I have gone more frequently than she. In several poses she chimed in while watching me.. ‘That’s great!’ ‘Good job!’ ‘WOW!’

This truly means a lot to me for two reasons. One- she is the one that turned me on to it.  I am thankful that the one who showed me the practice sees my embrace of it. Two- she is a twisty doll.  She is often times the  most flexible one on the mat.. even more so than people half her age. Three- she knows and loves me.  She understands how generally inflexible I am and how this practice is really reshaping my being. I know, that was three reasons, I forgot to include that one about her being twice as flexible as people half her age… I’m placing the credit where credit is due.

She actually told me my chair pose was ‘beautiful’. Maybe in a few more classes, she’ll tell me I have a nice asana.

I am growing by leaps and bounds in my flexibility and enjoying the new connections on the mat.

Namaste-